The One Where I Developed Abandonment Issues I Guess
Companion's Log
Stardate: Nov 19-25, 2019
Wow okay long week! Like dang, it feels really weird to think back. A lot has happened I guess.
So we were walking home at the end of the day and there was this cat in the grass. Naturally I try to pet the cat, cat walks away, so I follow the cat. Cat keeps going, but she keeps meowing at us and looking back, so she clearly wants us to follow her. So we do. We followed her on this crazy roundabout adventure which I wasn't wearing the right shoes for. Whenever we lost her in the shrubs we just had to wait a bit and she would come back to get us. We ended up in this overgrown area with a little wall behind a parking lot of a restaurant. We think she brought us there to see her kitten! But he's very fast and antisocial so he was running away and hiding from us.
So, transfers. My district is all staying, except Elder Kerr, our district leader. He's dying (going home) in like 18 days, but he's going to spend those 18 days in another area, away from us. Yeah I'm sad, Elder Kerr is the best :( And I know, I know! The whole mission is going to be like this and I should just get used to it but I still miss him okay! We went to get ice cream to say goodbye and stuff. Elder Savage is our district leader now, and he's a dad (training a greenie who came in on Wednesday). We called them to meet the new greenie:
Sister Randall: Tell us 5 interesting facts about yourself
Elder Sorensen: uh...let's see, I have a sword collection
Me: Oh you'll fit right in with this district
(We took him to see Brother Hadley's collection on p-day and he high key geeked out)
Okay, I said I was gonna be honest in these things so yeah I cried a lot this week and no I don't really know why. It just hit me on Friday after zone council. Lot's of feelings and confusion and stuff, depersonalization again I don't really know but it sucked. If I learned anything from the counselor at the MTC it's that we shouldn't label any emotion as bad. We have to give ourselves permission to be sad. I've been working on that but sadness is just so unfunctional! I just think back to the Old Testament and how different the culture of that time was: they were all sackcloth and ashes, rending your clothes, publicly displaying your sorrow. But our culture nowadays hides and suppresses sadness instead. I guess these things are personal and private, but in my experience just talking about it with someone actually helps a ton.
I had a dream that night that I was home from my mission. I was showing my brothers the list of things I wanted to do when I got home, called my "in 18 months" list. Then, in my dream, I just like realized, wow 18 months, they say it goes fast but it really does! It went so fast and (since I've only been out for 1 transfer and haven't done a whole lot yet) it felt, in my dream, like I hadn't accomplished anything and hadn't achieved any of my goals or learned how to really recognize the spirit. I had a dream like this at the MTC too. The kind of dream when you wake up and realize you still have a lot of time and you're glad it wasn't real. So yeah, I guess that's my main fear right now: that I'll finish my mission without changing, without seeing the promises in my blessings, without achieving my goals, without helping people receive the restored gospel. That was a big part of it for me. "I the Lord am bound when you do what I say" so if I don't see those blessings and stuff than that means it's my fault because I didn't do enough and should've done better and had more faith, but I'm not exactly sure how to do better I guess. *
I know that Christ's grace is sufficient, that weak things can become strong. .....
Okay so Elder Kerr came back like two days after he left because Gary got baptized! They asked him who he wanted to witness and he was like.....uh... how bout you two ladies? So Sister Randall and I witnessed his baptism! There was an 8 year old baptism right after and Katelynn (the girl we're teaching) came! It was cool. And we had a final district lunch. On Sunday we went to the young men and young women's classes and talked about involving them in missionary work. "So who would be interested in tracting or coming to lessons with us?" and the priests were all like umm.....nah, not really? Okay lame. Then we went to the young women and all of them were super on board and excited about it! It was great!
Okay last thing, to end on a happy note. So remember two weeks ago when we met that super awesome nice lady from Africa, Grace? She was busy at the time but asked for our number. If you've seen Best Two Years or know anything about missionary work you'll know that basically if you give them your number there's a 99.8% chance that's the last you'll hear from them. But after church and contacting on Sunday..........drum roll..........even though it should be pretty obvious by now.............Grace called us! She asked us if we could come over. Can we come over? Of course! We met her husband Martin and they are so freaking awesome and just so genuinely warm and kind! We talked about Light the World and she really liked it because she loves service, we watched the whole Christ Child video with them and they cut up a pineapple for us which is my favorite so yeah spirits lifted. She says she's really impressed that we're out there in the cold and the dark doing God's work (they've seen Elders before but not Sisters) she gave a beautiful prayer for us at the end. Not sure when we'll see them again, or how interested they are in progressing because they are pretty strong in their faith, but I've got a good hopeful feeling about this!
-Sister Dunn out
* Hey Emma,
Mom and I have been thinking about what you said in this letter. We really appreciate your openness and honesty. I think that probably helps you a lot. You are right that His grace is sufficient. But also, you can't put a time limit on God's blessings. Elder Holland said "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those that embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." (Oct 1999 conference) That may be the "evidence of things not seen." So don't think that it is your fault if they don't come or you don't have enough faith. Faith is faith - you have it or not. And I know that you do. You always have. Read Hebrews 11 and add to that "It is by faith that Emma is serving the Lord in Pocatello, ID."
Love ya,
Mom and Dad
Stardate: Nov 19-25, 2019
Wow okay long week! Like dang, it feels really weird to think back. A lot has happened I guess.
So we were walking home at the end of the day and there was this cat in the grass. Naturally I try to pet the cat, cat walks away, so I follow the cat. Cat keeps going, but she keeps meowing at us and looking back, so she clearly wants us to follow her. So we do. We followed her on this crazy roundabout adventure which I wasn't wearing the right shoes for. Whenever we lost her in the shrubs we just had to wait a bit and she would come back to get us. We ended up in this overgrown area with a little wall behind a parking lot of a restaurant. We think she brought us there to see her kitten! But he's very fast and antisocial so he was running away and hiding from us.
So, transfers. My district is all staying, except Elder Kerr, our district leader. He's dying (going home) in like 18 days, but he's going to spend those 18 days in another area, away from us. Yeah I'm sad, Elder Kerr is the best :( And I know, I know! The whole mission is going to be like this and I should just get used to it but I still miss him okay! We went to get ice cream to say goodbye and stuff. Elder Savage is our district leader now, and he's a dad (training a greenie who came in on Wednesday). We called them to meet the new greenie:
Sister Randall: Tell us 5 interesting facts about yourselfElder Sorensen: uh...let's see, I have a sword collection
Me: Oh you'll fit right in with this district
(We took him to see Brother Hadley's collection on p-day and he high key geeked out)
Okay, I said I was gonna be honest in these things so yeah I cried a lot this week and no I don't really know why. It just hit me on Friday after zone council. Lot's of feelings and confusion and stuff, depersonalization again I don't really know but it sucked. If I learned anything from the counselor at the MTC it's that we shouldn't label any emotion as bad. We have to give ourselves permission to be sad. I've been working on that but sadness is just so unfunctional! I just think back to the Old Testament and how different the culture of that time was: they were all sackcloth and ashes, rending your clothes, publicly displaying your sorrow. But our culture nowadays hides and suppresses sadness instead. I guess these things are personal and private, but in my experience just talking about it with someone actually helps a ton.
I had a dream that night that I was home from my mission. I was showing my brothers the list of things I wanted to do when I got home, called my "in 18 months" list. Then, in my dream, I just like realized, wow 18 months, they say it goes fast but it really does! It went so fast and (since I've only been out for 1 transfer and haven't done a whole lot yet) it felt, in my dream, like I hadn't accomplished anything and hadn't achieved any of my goals or learned how to really recognize the spirit. I had a dream like this at the MTC too. The kind of dream when you wake up and realize you still have a lot of time and you're glad it wasn't real. So yeah, I guess that's my main fear right now: that I'll finish my mission without changing, without seeing the promises in my blessings, without achieving my goals, without helping people receive the restored gospel. That was a big part of it for me. "I the Lord am bound when you do what I say" so if I don't see those blessings and stuff than that means it's my fault because I didn't do enough and should've done better and had more faith, but I'm not exactly sure how to do better I guess. *
I know that Christ's grace is sufficient, that weak things can become strong. .....
Okay so Elder Kerr came back like two days after he left because Gary got baptized! They asked him who he wanted to witness and he was like.....uh... how bout you two ladies? So Sister Randall and I witnessed his baptism! There was an 8 year old baptism right after and Katelynn (the girl we're teaching) came! It was cool. And we had a final district lunch. On Sunday we went to the young men and young women's classes and talked about involving them in missionary work. "So who would be interested in tracting or coming to lessons with us?" and the priests were all like umm.....nah, not really? Okay lame. Then we went to the young women and all of them were super on board and excited about it! It was great!Okay last thing, to end on a happy note. So remember two weeks ago when we met that super awesome nice lady from Africa, Grace? She was busy at the time but asked for our number. If you've seen Best Two Years or know anything about missionary work you'll know that basically if you give them your number there's a 99.8% chance that's the last you'll hear from them. But after church and contacting on Sunday..........drum roll..........even though it should be pretty obvious by now.............Grace called us! She asked us if we could come over. Can we come over? Of course! We met her husband Martin and they are so freaking awesome and just so genuinely warm and kind! We talked about Light the World and she really liked it because she loves service, we watched the whole Christ Child video with them and they cut up a pineapple for us which is my favorite so yeah spirits lifted. She says she's really impressed that we're out there in the cold and the dark doing God's work (they've seen Elders before but not Sisters) she gave a beautiful prayer for us at the end. Not sure when we'll see them again, or how interested they are in progressing because they are pretty strong in their faith, but I've got a good hopeful feeling about this!
-Sister Dunn out
* Hey Emma,
Mom and I have been thinking about what you said in this letter. We really appreciate your openness and honesty. I think that probably helps you a lot. You are right that His grace is sufficient. But also, you can't put a time limit on God's blessings. Elder Holland said "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those that embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." (Oct 1999 conference) That may be the "evidence of things not seen." So don't think that it is your fault if they don't come or you don't have enough faith. Faith is faith - you have it or not. And I know that you do. You always have. Read Hebrews 11 and add to that "It is by faith that Emma is serving the Lord in Pocatello, ID."
Love ya,
Mom and Dad
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