The One Where I Made Crepes and also cried like a lot - oof

Companion's Log

Stardate: April 6-12, 2020

Honestly I don't even know anymore, it feels like we are slowly wasting away, and yet we are also teaching more lessons (through tech) than before quarantine? We also had interviews with President, went to a river that was nice, watched 17 Miracles, I had some severe art block which is frustrating because I finally have time to actually draw! But I did get some in. I've also been learning some ukelele.

Okay April 10th was the Worldwide fast! It was interesting, I kind of studied all day long? I started around 9:30am, took a little nap somewhere in there and when I finished I looked at the clock at it was 5pm. Idk how it happened, I don't even feel like I learned that much? I kind of had a little mental breakdown the day before, I don't really know how to explain it all but basically I was pretty discouraged and had felt like I needed to ask for a blessing for awhile. So I finally did but it kind of fell short of what I needed, which made things worse, wasn't really feeling God's love. I tried to be okay but wasn't too functional that day, lots of crying and feeling really alone, lost and confused. So this super long study session was mainly just more of that and trying really hard to sort through it all and find some answers. Drew this emo drawing in my study journal, then made crepes to break my fast.

So what did I learn? Well I'm still working on that, I think this one will take a bit longer. It's really hard to be so directionless but I do know it is really important for me to study the scriptures everyday and continue to work on increasing my capacity to recognize the Spirit and receive revelation. So for now I'm going to go from there. But I have learned that God's love is not equivalent to happiness, nor is sorrow the opposite or lack of His love. And it's important to hold on to the light we have already received. 

Easter Sunday! I had an amazing opportunity to give a talk on my extended family's Sunday meeting over Zoom. I spoke about Hear Him, it was actually based on a training I made for district council over a month ago that I never got the chance to share. And so did all my words just come spitting back in my face as I testified of how we can't put God's voice in a box or we will miss answers to prayers because He speaks to us in individual and personal ways only we would understand? Maybe, I don't know,  but it was an awesome experience and I loved it. One of the scriptures I shared was Moses 6:63:

And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, ... all things bear record of me.

I have loved the idea of likening the scriptures to our lives for a long time, after all, Jesus taught in parables. I'll give one example. On Thursday night (the mental breakdown day) we were with the Paul sisters and I played ukulele a bit and was suddenly hit in the heart by these lyrics I was singing from 'Emphasis' by Sleeping at Last:

But the sweetest thing I've ever heard

Is that I don't have to have the answers

Just a little light to call my own.

Though it pales in comparison

To the overarching shadows,

A speck of light can reignite the sun

And swallow darkness whole.

So basically, God can answer my prayers through my favorite musical artist because He does know me personally. I could instead choose to think of it as a mere coincidence because that's not how God has answered prayers in the past or for others, but then I would only be keeping myself from that grace.

-Sister Dunn out

P.s. Also we had a little egg hunt, I made creamed eggs on toast, Idaho style because...potato bread. And then all of our characters (including my polar bear) died in dnd and I'm still bouncing between denial and bargaining about that one haha