The One Where it is Darkest Before the (hopeful) Dawn

Companion's Log

Stardate: June 9-14, 2020

Holy freak this was like the longest week ever! I don't even know anymore, honestly. I'm just so tired.

So yeah okay, we exercised with Edie and did some service helping clear up fallen willow tree branches, it was great but physically exhausting. Then we had exchanges and oh boy, here comes the emotional exhaustion. Wowza. So Sister Lavoie and I stayed up a quite awhile talking and man it was a lot. We didn't have exchanges last transfer bc of quarantine and man did I need this. Just kinda showed me how much I've been affected by these past two transfers, and this companionship. It was a lot to think about (and yeah know...cry about). Felt like I was waking up, remembering all the parts of who I am and who I want to be as a missionary that have kind of been suffocating. But it also showed me that once we transfer this week it will go back to normal and I can get back on track. 

I still don't really understand everything. I kept jumping back and forth between realizing how serious this was and that it's kind of a miracle I even survived, or feeling like I'm just victimizing and failed to be a better person sorta and keep a positive outlook and stuff. I don't really know, I always feel like I'm missing something, or if I think I can figure it out I'm always unsure, no confirmation or witness of truth. What I can say is that I'm immensely grateful for all the people God put in my path to help me through. He truly does work through others, and that is exactly what I desire to do, to be an instrument in God's hand to answer prayers and show His love to others.

So Ales and I did a training for district council, President got Idaho Fish and Game to give us a freebie on licences for Saturday so we went fishing as a zone, and I chilled in a hammock. Went back to help with the willow trees again and saw some baby goats. The woman at our dinner appointment on Saturday sent me an email because she as worried about me. That sure was something, so crazy that she could notice something was wrong and so amazing that she cared.

Alma 26:27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.

That's what I'm holding on to. I know these things will be for my learning and experience, they will be consecrated for my gain. Eventually. And that's a lot easier to believe now that I can start to see the sun beginning to rise. 

-Sister Dunn out