The One Where Nothing Makes Any Sense

 Companion's Log

Stardate: July 6-12, 2020

Played a bunch of sports on pday, yeah I know it's weird. Volley ball is alright but it hurts, I really like spike ball though. Beli got abruptly transferred :( we all miss him

I went to counseling for the first time on Wednesday. Sister Lewis has been encouraging me to try it for awhile. Just getting started so it's not really too helpful yet lol but I think it will be really good, help me to get a handle on things. It felt good. Had to drive out to twin, but that means we got to have lunch with Sister Lewis! And there's a game store up there so I bought some new dice!

Sighh okay so Thursday I felt really good and happy, it's sad looking back now bc that feels so distant. But I learned I kind of have a gift in empathy and helping others, and I have a true desire to do so that brings me so much love and joy. It felt so good. I loved it. I prayed that I would be able to put this gift to good use in some way, that it wouldn't go to waste.

Friday, however, was a great big mess, oof. Just I don't even really know, I got hit by this hardcore sadness and nothing seemed to work to make it better. It was strange, I still don't understand, and it was pretty nonfunctional. Carried over to Saturday too. Just felt hopeless, miss having a district that I can be friends with, I haven't had that since I got transferred out here. Feeling like missionary work just doesn't really make me happy, I've been trying to find joy in it and there are times when I definitely do, in moments. Also very worried and upset with who I am right now kinda, feels like Ales changed me a lot and not for the better. So yeah I still don't really understand and it was really rough. For some reason the prayers worked better that night so when I woke up on Sunday I felt much better and felt lifted by grace all day, didn't really last after that so nothing makes sense as usual. Don't know what I'm supposed to do. Don't know what I'm supposed to learn. I'm not gonna give up though, which that stubborn faith sometimes just feels like insanity as I keep trying to have patience until it will work.

Sorry this one was depressing lol, idk. if I'd written it yesterday it would have been much more hopeful but today turned out a little rough too. Someday it'll make sense

So maybe the person I'm suppose to help right now is me and that was the answer to my prayer? Idk it's hard though, it's exhausting, a d I really didn't know what I needed, nothing seemed to work. 

-Sister Dunn out

P.s. happier note, we went on a walk with the puppies at Sister Lavoie's last house but they got tired