The One Where I Didn't Give Up

 Companions Log

Stardate: August 3-9, 2020

Soooo once again, long week in which the days blur together

We helped someone move, invited most of the district so we finished pretty fast. Went to Twin on Wednesday for another appointment, so cool thing about that is Sister Lewis is serving in Twin, and Elder Savage just got transferred to her district so...heck yes we got to reunite the squad for lunch and classic throw back to Soda Barn, except they dont have a Soda Barn so we went to Sips. Yeah good times, so good to see them, also strange bc it's been so long wow.

Okay we took Emily out with us, she's a young woman who just submitted her mission papers. No one answered the door but it was still quite awesome! 

So sad times hit on the weekend. Idk as usual it doesn't make much sense. But I had a lot on my mind and things built up lack of motivation and vicious cycles and what not until I ended up kinda spiraling.  It's suddenly all good now, though I'm not sure why for that either. But yeah, it was rough for awhile, but I'm stubborn and won't give up, sometimes I feel a little crazy, tired of getting down on my knees again and again when I can't really see the effect, even when I ask specifically for eyes to see the answers. I made a vow long ago to never stop praying, never go one night without a prayer to Heavenly Father. Sometimes, like this weekend it's a lot harder to hold to that promise. But something inside me just won't give up no matter how much I feel like I want to. It hurt almost, the idea of breaking that vow, the idea of not breaking it when I couldn't go on anymore. But that something inside me keeping me going, bringing me to my knees again and again, maybe that's Him. That same drive to not give up is exactly what Meredith connected to the Light of Christ when we taught her about it, I wouldn't have considered it if not for her. 

The morning it all began I felt a nagging idea to look back through the group chat for my very first district and found this poem. At the time it seemed to spit at me, I'm sorry but it just seems miserable, exhausting, sometimes you'd rather just stay down, it feels pointless, silly to keep going when you get hit by blow after blow. What is it for? Why do I keep coming back, I know what the definition of insanity is! But in the end it's never worth it to give in. Satan is the one who wants us to retreat.

And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud,

you would have thought he’d won the race, to listen to the crowd.

And to his dad he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”

“To me, you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”

And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face,

the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race.

For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.

And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.

And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face,

another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race!”

'The Race' attributed to Dr. D.H. "Dee" Groberg

-Sister Dunn Out

P.s. made a goal to work on my art project every night this week. Got everyday but Saturday, was hard to give up on that determined goal too. Slowly but surely making progress on these drawings I started for ev er ago