The One Where I Got Yoyo Transferred (and it gave me whiplash)

 Companion's Log

Stardate: Sept 7-13, 2020

Went to Steadmans again for pday, it was fun but it was hecka windy, power went out at our dinner too, turns out we had leftover hurricane winds or something. 

We did another watercolor class! It was fun, can't believe it took me this long to do something like this on my mission.

Started packing and saying goodbyes :'( dang, I skipped this part last time bc the transfer was so sudden. Not sure which I prefer. I've been in Heyburn for a long time and have had some pretty sad times here that I'll be glad to put behind me. But I love a lot of these people and I miss them.

And bam I'm back in Poky. Oh my freaking goodness has it been strange. I can see my old area from here. It was actually pretty rough. Took a sec to adjust, I think I was hoping for a fresh start to get back into the swing of things but instead my motivation felt even worse than before. I felt really wrong when I got here and I don't really know why. I had no drive to unpack, no desire to learn the area or anything. I depersonalized pretty hard and probably spiraled I don't even really know looking back now. I just felt no faith that this is where I'm supposed to be or hope that things will get better. I used to be able to feel that faith so strongly, to remind myself again and again that He knows better and to trust in Him, but after all this time...I'm just tired I guess. Without faith what are we? Not much, I can tell you that. I'm trying, so hard, but it's getting harder and harder to confidently believe that my prayers are being heard and answered. Yet I continued to pray for faith, hope, trust, love for the people here, to be filled with desire, for help, confirmation, something, for eyes to see the answers. It was a mess idk. I feel like I've fallen so far and I'm still lost on my own in the confusion. Patience, I guess. That's what I'm supposed to say. But it's been a long time already haha. But I'm eternally grateful for friends, they get me through everything, I love them. Trying to remind myself that they are that answer I'm looking for.

I don't really know what changed but it's been getting better, just keep going for now. Still can't help but think though, bc Meredith is moving to Wendell...and now my new comp is Sister Wendel...

-Sister Dunn out